Holiday Party
5 posters
Page 1 of 1
Holiday Party
by Ed Thu Dec 10, 2009 11:26 am
- Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name..
I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2008 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Whatever! Joan |
Ed- Hall of Famer
- Number of posts : 5243
Registration date : 2008-05-26
Kate- Major Leaguer
- Number of posts : 2055
Location : 2 doors down from the bathroom
Registration date : 2008-05-23
Re: Holiday Party
by Saint John Thu Dec 10, 2009 12:08 pm
Copied and pasted it for everyone here and I can hear laughter every so often as they get around to reading it. Good stuff. Sad, but funny.
Last edited by Saint John on Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
Saint John- Major Leaguer
- Number of posts : 2075
Registration date : 2008-05-23
Re: Holiday Party
by lights1961 Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:18 pm
I saw something like this in I think it was the American Airline magazine a while ago... a couple was throwing their first dinner party...and by about the 7the email... back and forth I think they about had it....
LMAO.
LMAO.
lights1961- Rookie
- Number of posts : 943
Age : 62
Location : des moines
Registration date : 2008-05-23
Re: Holiday Party
by Ehwmatt Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:37 pm
it's so sad that we've come to the point where this passes for humor in this country...
Seems there's a Constitutional right not to have to be offended... ever these days.
Seems there's a Constitutional right not to have to be offended... ever these days.
Ehwmatt- Major Leaguer
- Number of posts : 1047
Registration date : 2009-03-02
Similar topics» Favorite Holiday Memory(s).....
» WTF... party of two.... WTF???
» Surprise Party for me
» Saturday WTF PARTY !!!
» Kiddie party today
» WTF... party of two.... WTF???
» Surprise Party for me
» Saturday WTF PARTY !!!
» Kiddie party today
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|